Sweezit's Xanga

Friday, May 23, 2008

Fri, 23 May 2008 12:44:07 GMT

Church Bulliten Apostasies (CBA)

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

The evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

Yes, I know ... many of these even I've seen before! But, always good to LOL or at least slightly smile.

Thanks to Fr. Joseph Hunneycut for the gags!

Peace.

Lazarus

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:17:35 GMT

KRISTOS ANESTI!

CHRISTOS HA RESUSITADO!

CHRISTOS A INVIAT!

KRISTOS VOSKRESE!

CHRISTOS IST AUFERSTANDEN!

AL MESSIAH Q'UAM!

CHRIST IS RISEN!

Peace and the joy of the feast to all my Orthodox Brethren out there. Kalo Pascha!

Heres a joke!

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:
"Dr.
Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it
to
"Hysterias and Posteriors."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council,
they
changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go.

Next, they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again.

Then came "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable again.

So they tried "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." No way.

"Analysis and Anal Cysts?" Nope.

"Nuts and Butts? " Uh uh.

"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go

"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:

"Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it!

Peace!

Lazarus

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 23:12:02 GMT

First off, Hi. I havent been around for a while, and I never seem to get the opportunity anymore to write and vent herein as per my previous years on this site. Hell, I think it's been since Christmas since I sat down in front of a computer to jot down a piece of my constantly bust mind. No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. No, I have not plunged headlong into the Blight (for you Robert Jordan fans). But its good to be back, though I cannot promise anything but a spuraddic effort in the months to come. Still, God's blessing and peace upon you all.

Now, on with the venting.

HONEST FEAR/ HONEST LOVE

Machiavellian philosophy tells us that it is better by far to be feared than loved. Why is this? Why, some wonder, is it prefered to have those around you shaking in their boots than have everyone wanting, pinning, and yerning for your company. One simple reason presents itself: fear. Simply put, when someone is afraid of you, they dont fuck with you or think twice before attempting it.. They may be plotting behind your back, they may want you dead, they may be making plans to make their intrigues manifest, but you already expect that, don't you? After all, what forces motives and truths into the light like fear? What causes the rats to run for their lives like the forethought of something horrid happening to them, something which even your own mind may not have concieved, but once you get wind of it, you will meet and exceed expectations? Control is the reason. And the first rule of control: trust no one. A dagger can come from any angle, can be laden with any number of poisons, and can be leathal when thrust into many a target. Being in control means having those places covered with a thick shield of armour and protecting it with everything from a poison dart to a nuclear missile. Being in cotrol means never sitting with your back to the door, and making sure the walls around you are several feet thick, boobytrapped from every concievable angle and placed so that only you know where to sit or stand. Fear keeps you from ever having to use these traps in the first case, and wariness makes sure there is no "Et tu, Brute?" in your future.

People seem to respect the Machiavellian mindset for its honesty. He may be kooke, a scheemer, a traitor, an absolute mad man, with vile standards and an eratic, repulsive behavior, and the soul of the devil himself, but at least you know where he stands. He will cut you off at the balls if you do this, that or the other, and if you are a woman, he will hot glue the balls to you and THEN cut you off at the appropriate level. You expect nothing but unpleasant consequences and gut wrenching atitudes from this egomaniacal bastard, and are never disappointed. He knows how to keep you at bay, and to keep you away from him even if you stand beside him every day. If you are invited into his presence, you think twice before going, and at least three before stepping in the door. And if you so happen to be a "friend", you still are in the dark about him, and dont ever ask certain questions. He will not spare your feelings or beliefs. He does not care that you have known you since the whomb. He will cut you down, burn you to ash, and use a leaf blower to brush away the evidence. You've seen him do it. You know what he can do with a few well chosen words, and though you've never seen him get mad, you've seen him get even. That's enough to keep your mouth shut and your eyes open.

But what a cold, and meaningless position it is. It implies that we are in control of our lives and destinies. To a certain point, we are. But we have only to wake in the morning to find out how little we are, and how little we know. The sun's rising may happen at a certain hour, and we wake groggy, wanting the dawn to come at our bidding. But without fail, every day, we rise at the chiming of a bell we did not fashion, at a time we did not structure in a world we did not create, and could not so much as stop the water from condensing in the air as we could hold on infinitely to a raindrop, or fire. Our very lives begin without our behest, and end without our suggestions. We are not in control. Not when we are born or when we die. Not that we breathe or how. Not that we reach, even unwillingly, to the Divine. Even those that claim they have no belief still cry in their being against the very forces they say they do not ackowledge. We cannot help our state. And when we go against what is meant to be, it poisons us, and makes us toxic to be around, which often forces our had to thinking of alternatives than being a voluntary choice. A pendulum can only swing when the wind or some other force starts it, and is only brought into being by another hand.

As for honesty, does one who lets people in, is loved and loves, is hurt by betrayel of that love, and yet tries again, sacrifices so that it can perpetuate his being, even if it cost him greatly in order to gain even more greatly, and strives to change the blackness present in his being into perpetual light a fool? No indeed, because that man has something that the tyrant and the demagogue can never achieve: trust. Trust is never easily won in this life. When it is there, there is a beautious radiance to that person, a holy light that can only show itself where there is truth. As fear blackens he soul, trust washes it. It purifies us, because it is true fire, burning the chaaf of our spirits and purifying the good things within. And as fear leads to greed and hoarding, trust demand sacrifice. We are cut, bruised, broken and killed all the day long, dying little deaths to self until we are refined.

Fear consumes.

Love perpetuates.

No, it is better to be loved that feared.

Fear is only usefull if it lead to love.

"The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom" so says the scripture.

Love is the end.

The end which has no end.

Let us, who love God strive to love, even if it means our lives. For we who loose our lives for His sake can find it.

Peace.

Lazarus

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:18:18 GMT

"I grew up among the wise men and found nothing was better than silence. Knowledge is not the main thing, but deeds."

-Martin Buber

"Do you seek grace from God? Instead of grace, he allows a temptation, Are you unable to stand the battle and do you fall? Then you are not given any additional grace. Do you seek it again? Again, temptation. Again defeat? Again deprivation. This happens your whole life. therefore, youm ust emerge victorious. Endure the temptation until death. Fall down like a casualty in battle ,and cry out like a paralytic on the ground ' I will never leave Thee, Sweet Jesus, nor forsake Thee! I will remain insepperable from Thee until the end of time, and I will die in the arena for Thy love.' The suddenly, He appears in the arena, and calls from the whirlwind, "I am here! Gird up thy loins like a man, and follow Me'...Therefore do not be intemidated and do not be afraid of temptation. Even if you fall many times, arise."

-Elder Joseph the Hesychast

Monday, December 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:24:01 GMT

T’was the month before Christmas

When all through our land,

Not a Christian was praying

Nor taking a stand.

Why the PC Police had taken away,

The reason for Christmas - No one could say.

The children were told by their schools not to sing,

About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say

December 25th is just a “Holiday '

Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit

Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod

Something was changing, something quite odd!

Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa

In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees upside down

At Lowe's the word Christmas - was nowhere to be found.

At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears

You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, Sensitive, Diversity

Are words that were used to intimidate me.

Now Daschle, Now Durbin, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen

On Boxer, on Reed, on Kerry, on Clinton !

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter

To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.

And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith

Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded

The reason for the season, stopped before it started.

So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'

Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say

Shout 'MERRY CHRISTMAS', not 'Happy Holiday.'

Friday, November 30, 2007

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 23:31:14 GMT

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: "Let it be."

Last Sunday, we welcomed the newly illumined Jennie Rachel Mary into the Holy Orthodox Church.

The weekend was rushed, but I was overjoyed when I left. In mnay ways I still can't believe it. It's a joyful, overwhelming thing when one takes this journey. I'm sure her Guardian Angel was setting off fireworks when she was chrismated. Prayersplease that she might increase in all things, and in the love of God especially.

Blessed Lady Theotokos, pray for the handmaiden of God, Mary, named after thee.

Peace.

Lazarus

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 14:56:56 GMT

"GO AND SUCK YOUR THUMB!"

Happy Turkey day!

Peace

Lazarus, who is thankful for a roof over his head, food on the table, breathing (though asthmatically), God's pure love, the Blessings of Jesus Christ, the communion of the Holy Spirit, my Orthodox Brethren, my family, and a smokin' hot fiancee with all her good lookin' friends.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 03:50:28 GMT

Death is not a subject we like to speak of, or even utter in pleasant conversation. But, young or old, but a day or a century, it comes. I've seen more death in the past three weeks than ever in my life, and it never gets easy. When it does, it's time to move on. I've seen tears stream down the face of the survivors. Tears of love and sorrow. The wine of prayer and the gall of emotion comingled in one cup. Here, no earthly whisper is unheard. Here, the silence which not even the winds ever present song can penetrate exhists along with cries of pain and comforting embraces. Here, eyes, red with tears call forth the the purity of the soul. Here is where we meet our true selves. Here we see our true reslove. And it never seems enough. But it is there that true change takes place. We don't know who we are until we see ourselves gone from the earth. Our greed, pride, lusts and avarace begin to drip away. We see the face of the Creator God more clearly. Here the cup is mingled with fear and trembling as well as Hope and undending peace. We must look at it as a tool. Our key to salvation lies in our hope of rising with Jesus Christ, our God and our true hope. But we must die to this world, many tiny painful deaths at a time before we meet the stillness of our resting place. There we recieve a foretaste of the glory to come, before the Dread Judgement Seat. Every day, our vision become clearer, if we treat the day as if it is the final dawn we will see. I speak not of morbid bone worshiping fantasies. I speak of living as we are supposed to: love of God and our neighbour, and the honing of our tallents until they are perfected to labour as long as God would use His creation. So that when we are called to give account for our lives, Our Lord will say to us "Well done, good and faithful servant." If we keep the end in mind, the beginning of each day is sweeter.

"Almighty God, our Help and Refuge, Fountain of wisdom and Tower of strength, who knowest that I can do nothing without thy guidance and help; assist me, I pray thee, and direct me to divine wisdom and power, that I may accomplish this task, and whatever I may undertake to do, faithfully and dilligently, according to thy will, so that it may be profitable to myself and others, and to the glory of thy Holy Name. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit: now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen."

Peace

Lazarus

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 13:07:54 GMT

If one studies a great deal in order to acquire knowledge and to teach others, without living the things he teaches, he does no more than fill his head with hot air. At most, he will manage to ascend to the moon using machines. The goal of the Christian is to rise to God without machines.

-- Elder Paisios the Athonite

Monday, October 29, 2007

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 22:08:37 GMT

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write " For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

Show this posting to someone.

It ' s Called ... therapy.