| First off, Hi. I havent been around for a while, and I never seem to get the opportunity anymore to write and vent herein as per my previous years on this site. Hell, I think it's been since Christmas since I sat down in front of a computer to jot down a piece of my constantly bust mind. No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. No, I have not plunged headlong into the Blight (for you Robert Jordan fans). But its good to be back, though I cannot promise anything but a spuraddic effort in the months to come. Still, God's blessing and peace upon you all. Now, on with the venting. HONEST FEAR/ HONEST LOVE Machiavellian philosophy tells us that it is better by far to be feared than loved. Why is this? Why, some wonder, is it prefered to have those around you shaking in their boots than have everyone wanting, pinning, and yerning for your company. One simple reason presents itself: fear. Simply put, when someone is afraid of you, they dont fuck with you or think twice before attempting it.. They may be plotting behind your back, they may want you dead, they may be making plans to make their intrigues manifest, but you already expect that, don't you? After all, what forces motives and truths into the light like fear? What causes the rats to run for their lives like the forethought of something horrid happening to them, something which even your own mind may not have concieved, but once you get wind of it, you will meet and exceed expectations? Control is the reason. And the first rule of control: trust no one. A dagger can come from any angle, can be laden with any number of poisons, and can be leathal when thrust into many a target. Being in control means having those places covered with a thick shield of armour and protecting it with everything from a poison dart to a nuclear missile. Being in cotrol means never sitting with your back to the door, and making sure the walls around you are several feet thick, boobytrapped from every concievable angle and placed so that only you know where to sit or stand. Fear keeps you from ever having to use these traps in the first case, and wariness makes sure there is no "Et tu, Brute?" in your future. People seem to respect the Machiavellian mindset for its honesty. He may be kooke, a scheemer, a traitor, an absolute mad man, with vile standards and an eratic, repulsive behavior, and the soul of the devil himself, but at least you know where he stands. He will cut you off at the balls if you do this, that or the other, and if you are a woman, he will hot glue the balls to you and THEN cut you off at the appropriate level. You expect nothing but unpleasant consequences and gut wrenching atitudes from this egomaniacal bastard, and are never disappointed. He knows how to keep you at bay, and to keep you away from him even if you stand beside him every day. If you are invited into his presence, you think twice before going, and at least three before stepping in the door. And if you so happen to be a "friend", you still are in the dark about him, and dont ever ask certain questions. He will not spare your feelings or beliefs. He does not care that you have known you since the whomb. He will cut you down, burn you to ash, and use a leaf blower to brush away the evidence. You've seen him do it. You know what he can do with a few well chosen words, and though you've never seen him get mad, you've seen him get even. That's enough to keep your mouth shut and your eyes open. But what a cold, and meaningless position it is. It implies that we are in control of our lives and destinies. To a certain point, we are. But we have only to wake in the morning to find out how little we are, and how little we know. The sun's rising may happen at a certain hour, and we wake groggy, wanting the dawn to come at our bidding. But without fail, every day, we rise at the chiming of a bell we did not fashion, at a time we did not structure in a world we did not create, and could not so much as stop the water from condensing in the air as we could hold on infinitely to a raindrop, or fire. Our very lives begin without our behest, and end without our suggestions. We are not in control. Not when we are born or when we die. Not that we breathe or how. Not that we reach, even unwillingly, to the Divine. Even those that claim they have no belief still cry in their being against the very forces they say they do not ackowledge. We cannot help our state. And when we go against what is meant to be, it poisons us, and makes us toxic to be around, which often forces our had to thinking of alternatives than being a voluntary choice. A pendulum can only swing when the wind or some other force starts it, and is only brought into being by another hand. As for honesty, does one who lets people in, is loved and loves, is hurt by betrayel of that love, and yet tries again, sacrifices so that it can perpetuate his being, even if it cost him greatly in order to gain even more greatly, and strives to change the blackness present in his being into perpetual light a fool? No indeed, because that man has something that the tyrant and the demagogue can never achieve: trust. Trust is never easily won in this life. When it is there, there is a beautious radiance to that person, a holy light that can only show itself where there is truth. As fear blackens he soul, trust washes it. It purifies us, because it is true fire, burning the chaaf of our spirits and purifying the good things within. And as fear leads to greed and hoarding, trust demand sacrifice. We are cut, bruised, broken and killed all the day long, dying little deaths to self until we are refined. Fear consumes.
Love perpetuates. No, it is better to be loved that feared. Fear is only usefull if it lead to love. "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom" so says the scripture. Love is the end. The end which has no end. Let us, who love God strive to love, even if it means our lives. For we who loose our lives for His sake can find it. Peace. Lazarus |
